two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
