can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
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She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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