Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
