Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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