you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
