I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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