Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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