id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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