I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
