Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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