woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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