On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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