I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
