Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
