So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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