They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
