my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
