3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
