Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Enjoy the penises
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
