Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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