There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
