She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
