its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Someone signed my nipple.
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