I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sorry my hands just texted you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
