You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
