just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
