when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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