so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
