I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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