You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
