That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
