Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
