My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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