What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
