He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
