I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
