your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
