i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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