That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
