mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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