i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
