Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
