sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
