I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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