you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
