This girl is more easily done than said...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
