I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
