New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
