it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
