Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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