i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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