dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
