You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
now i know why i became what i already was.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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