non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
