She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Blood and glitter go together right?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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