conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
