can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
