watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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