What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
