Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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