Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
