so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
