Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
