Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
