you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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