I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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