6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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