dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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